The Disaffected Voter's Guide to 2020
On the left we have a group of candidates currently making Stop and Get Frisky look like Murray Rothbard. Spoiler alert: the Socialist Squaw is going to win. Don’t believe me? Take a look at her ravenous fans after
her Bloomberg take down in last week’s debate. On the right, Donald “Yuge Government” Trump, who is going to win the whole thing anyway. Mobs of Bernie Bros and MAGA Hatters are fully prepared to Caps Lock dissenters to death. I can’t be the only one in this environment who is struggling to find much to care about, much less a candidate to support. While the Porcupine Tribune has yet to make its endorsement, here are, to my mind, the best three options at present:
5. Adam Kokesh. All of the above sentiments are enough to make a person want to shut the whole thing down; maybe the candidate we need will look to do exactly that: In his campaign for “Not-President of the United States,” Kokesh pledges to sign a single executive order upon victory. This executive order would set in motion the peaceful and orderly dissolution of the federal government. Maybe that’s not such a bad idea?
4. Vermin Supreme. You want a Nanny State? Forget Frisky. This guy would mandate the brushing of teeth. You want a leviathan welfare state? Bernie may not promise a pony to everyone in the country, but Supreme does. And if all of that (to say nothing of the boot he wears as a hat) sounds absurd and awful to you, maybe consider instead this quote from Supreme’s website: "The mission of this campaign is to spread a loud and
unapologetic message of free thought, clean smiles, and ponies. Through satire and humor, I present real issues with fantastical context, in-depth analysis, and a dose of much-needed humor in the political sphere. With thought provoking activism, I stand against the tyrannical duopoly, the violent police state, and all forms of overreaching government.” WFB Jr. Jr. has said that only paintings with boats in them and the “Hillbilly Baroque” paintings of Thomas Hart Benton qualify as art. But as the husband of an art historian, I am qualified to say that Vermin Supreme is pure performance art.